I want a flash mob at my funeral!

The Shiny Shrimps (Les Crevettes pailletées) is a French film about a gay water polo team who aspire to be in the "Gay games" (and yes, that is the biggest LGBTQ+ sports and culture event in the world)

In the fictional film (based on the real life experiences of the actual water polo team) an Olympic swimming champion makes a homophobic comment when he's interviewed and his "punishment" is that he is to coach the Shiny Shrimps so they can qualify to be in the Gay games. And so begins their journey

I really enjoyed this film. It is rather cliché and over the top at times, but it is funny and inspirational. A wonderful feel good film for a Sunday afternoon while sitting with good friends who enjoy a laugh too.

It so happens that I didn't only find inspiration in the ultimate success of the team, the wonderful relationships built and changes attitudes. I also found it in the funeral scene!

You see, I became a celebrant because of a funeral. When my granny passed away, I organised her funeral and I realised no one else would be telling her story. I knew I had to honour granny by telling her story. After granny's funeral, I sat with one of my cousins while we drank coffee and remembered granny and told her; "It's decided, I am going to be a Celebrant!"

Two years later, I had completed trained and six months after that, I started my business. Weirdly though, four years on and funerals have not been my focus, but that's about to change! (definitely a story for another time)

Back to the film!

Spoiler alert by the way, but I have to tell this bit to tell my story, all the same, I hope you watch the film anyway. It is worth it!

Where was I? The funeral scene. One of the water polo team dies, which of course is very upsetting for everyone. More upsetting, his family, who didn't accept that he was gay, organise the funeral.

It is your usual run of the mill type funeral, in a church, everyone in black clothing, everyone still, quiet and mournful. You know the type. They type we all expect to attend when we go to a funeral.

All of his fellow gay teams members sit quietly at the funeral, giving each other those knowing looks "he would hate this!" His partner is invited up to speak. He ends his tribute to his partner with the following:

"Jean, love of my life. You would have hated your funeral. All in black, all so sad. I hope you are watching, because this is for you."

"Friends . . .

SHOWTIME!"

All his team mates stand up, remove their black suit jackets to reveal satin blue coloured team jackets with sparkly shiny shrimps blazoned on their backs and head to the front of the Church. No one knows what to expect. A choir boy starts a song. The first bars of "I need a hero" blast out . . .

The team mates do a fantastic flash "mob" dance they had planned earlier and it is EPIC!

When I first watched this, I was crying. I often cry at films anyway, so nothing too unusual, but I was moved. I was also crying with joy because, YES!! This is exactly they type of funeral / life celebration I want to do! This is exactly the type of funeral I think people should know they can do!

Now I hear your mumbles; "that's all a little too much", "isn't that disrespectful", "you can't do that at a funeral!"

All valid thoughts and comments. Except, no, it isn't too much. No, it isn't disrespectful, and YES, you can do this at a funeral!

First, did you know that there are simply NO rules for funerals. Whatever you want to do at and for your funeral, you can do. Whatever you want to do at and for your loved ones funeral, you can do. (ok, not things that mean you are breaking the law, within reason of course!)

There will be some unspoken "rules at certain venues, like crematoriums and churches and there are certainly time limits. Not to mention, the frowns of FD's as some definitely do things in very specific ways and aren't keen on changing their ways. Each to their own.

However, doing a life celebration as your or your loved ones funeral means you can have the event anywhere you like*. Any time you like. Any date you like. Any theme or include any tributes which would suit you or them.

I feel so passionately that we should have funerals which celebrate our lives or our loved ones life. Coming together in community to cry, laugh, reminisce, tell stories, hold up a glass, or whatever way showcases us or them as our actual selves and their actual selves. After all, we will still grieve and will have solemn moments. In fact, we will have many more of them after the funeral and once everyone has left and got on with their lives.

Not everyone will choose to mourn a family member this way, obviously not. But knowing we are free to mourn in any way which brings us closer to each other in our grief is something so many more of us should know about and should choose to do if they wish to!

As of yet, we don't talk about death enough. Let's change that! Let's tell family members and friends what we really want for our funerals. Let's make sure our last hurrah is the one we really want or the one our loved one would really want.

Whether that's with a flash mob planned dance or a cheerleader squad or a session of sharing stories or a sing-a-long or a drink at the pub or a walk along the river with everyone they loved.

Whatever it might be, let's choose to go out the way we chose to live!

As a celebrant, I say, Life Celebrations for the win!

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As a fun, friendly, feminist and bilingual celebrant I do various types of ceremonies, including Life Celebrations.

Get in touch for more information and keep a look out for the various packages I will be offering shortly. I do ceremonies in Portuguese / English and I can also help with organising your event.

Contact Me

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*Some outdoor spaces need permission from land owners, and some venues might have restrictions so please always check before using spaces.

Find the film on Prime - or for more info take a look here IMDb

First Photo by Eli Solitas on Unsplash

Second Photo by T.Ribeiro - screengrab from the film