I'll never use these words in your wedding ceremony!
- Theresa R
- Jul 9
- 3 min read
As a non-traditional, feminist celebrant it would be highly irresponsible of me to not only advise you to use traditional wording in your ceremony but also to then say those words on your wedding day!
I'll start straight off by letting you know that the traditions of the past can stay right there, in the past, where they belong!
Now, it's scary branching out a little, breaking those traditions and doing your own thing. I hear you on that! I was quietly rebellious for most of my life, only learning to be a little more outrageous with my rebellion in more recent years. It's also difficult when family (and friends, who are we kidding) have very clear thoughts about exactly what should be said and done on your wedding day. Those voices are louder than a quietly playing Spotify list when we come to planning our wedding.
"Well then, what words are they, Theresa?" Okay, okay, I'm getting to that bit!

I was asked about my scripts and which bits I include in my ceremonies by a fellow Celebrant just the other day. Two things stood out: The commitment and who gives the bride away
Eeek, I almost entirely freaked out. "Who gives the bride away???" Gosh, are we in the dark ages (was my first thoughts, but I held back and gave a much more sensible reply) "Oh yeah, tell me what you include . . ." They include those aspects in their scripts, which is great for them and their couples, but not for me and certainly not my couples.
It got me thinking. Have I ever used those words or similar in any ceremony I have done? No, no I have not.
First, no bride (or groom) belongs to another human. (and of course, shouldn't as that is slavery). Second, are we being inclusive if we consider using that wording? And third, that's definitely olden day, traditional bullshit!
I aim to be inclusive, I am still learning and adjusting as I go, but I try to use inclusive language within my marketing and certainly within my ceremonies. So I try my best to use "couple" or other similar words instead of only considering a bride or a groom. I also aim to smash down those horrid old fashioned rules and traditions which have crazy reasoning behind them!
In summary, I will not say "who gives this bride (or person) away". It is never discussed nor expected in any of my ceremonies! (and yes, people still walk down the aisle with their dad or chosen human but they're not "given away")
A few other phrases I do not include:
"You may kiss" (it's your choice to consent to a kiss, but I do include prompts and my couples & photographers know ahead of time where the kiss will be happening. If in fact, they do want to kiss in front of everyone!)
[side note: this is my own personal choice and I have had one couple ask me to say this during their ceremony, but as my own general rule I do not use this]
I also not do tend to use the "Declaration of intent" (ie, the "I do's") - we leave that for your legals!
"We are gathered here today to join [Name] and [Name] in holy matrimony."
"I submit to my husband" (or similar) - Just No!!
So there you go! Choose a celebrant who has similar values as you. If you'd love all of these words as part of your ceremony, perhaps I am not the celebrant for you.
Those of you who this resonates with = what are you waiting for - let's get your date booked in. I cannot wait to work with you to create a truly fabulous ceremony!
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